The Make Believe Land of Sugarfree Jell-O

I had the great idea--and I know I'm not the only one--to utilize nail polish as a food-distraction technique. I'm alone tonight, incredibly bored, and chose not to be productive.

I'm not ready to go to bed. Nowhere near ready, to be honest. So I decided to catch up on some TV on Hulu. I got out my nail polish so that I could paint my nails and enjoy some zone-out time.

Now, if you haven't tried, it's really hard to eat with wet nails. You always seem to bang them on something and have to re-do them. So I kicked back, feeling confident that I'd managed to outsmart my late night boredom-induced ravenous snack rampage.

This was, of course, only the first of my several self-induced delusions this evening.

I got the base coat on, the first coat on, got some Crystal Light, then put on the third coat. I'm home free and enjoying an episode of Modern Family. Ahhhhhh. I didn't even want a soda. "But you know", I thought, basking in my glorious alone-time, "I'd like a little snacky-poo."

Thank goodness for sugarfree Jell-O. Only 15 calories in the little mini-tupperware single-serving bowl I'd smartly divided it into. And since I'm being so good and eating Jell-O, I can have some squirty whipped cream on it. Only 20 calories more. So really, I can have 2-3 servings of whipped cream--oh, and a little squirt on my spoon, too--wait--one more squirt--okay, last one--because I'm eating Jell-O. Mm. That's nice.

Okay, now for the shimmery polish on top. Still a little wet. I need to let these sit and dry. I'll catch another episode. Hey, while the commercial is playing, I'll grab some more Crystal Light. Only 5 calories per serving! And you know, that Jell-O was pretty good. And it's so low in calories that I can have another serving. Oh--hey--I left the whipped cream out on the counter--well, I'll just have a little more. None on my spoon this time, though.

Now for the top coat. Beautiful. I really like this color. I think I'll have a little more Crystal Light. And while I'm in the fridge, I'll just grab a little slice of cheese. Dang! I caught the corner of the fridge door on my thumb. I'll have to re-paint that one. Oh well, I'll just catch another episode while it's drying. Oooh! I should have been a brain surgeon. Did you see how I opened the cheese without catching any of my nails!! Woohoo! Wait. Shoot!! How did I smudge my pinky? I'll have to re-paint that one too.

Wow. I am tired all of a sudden. I'm ready for bed. But my stupid nails are still wet. And I KNOW that if I try to go to bed now, no matter how I position my hands, I'll wake up with quilt squares imprinted into my nails. Darn it. I'll just have to stay up for one more episode.

Ech. I have had too many sweets. This sugar substitute sure packs a wallop of sweetness. Maybe just a little salt will calm it down. Hmmmmm. What's in the pantry? Ah! Lime corn chips. Yeah. That's good. I don't really like those as much as the sour cream and onion so I'll eat less of them. Careful--careful--shake them out to the edge of the bag--perfect! I can grab them without hitting my nails.

I'm thirsty. I need some more Crystal Light. Geez!! How do I keep banging my thumb on the fridge? Now I've got to paint it again. Well, I might as well go ahead and re-do the top coat on all of my nails. I'll watch one more episode and just let them all finish drying.

The chips are staring at me. I should have put them away. They're like that Geico money with the eyes--just staring at me. No. I'm not going to smudge up my nails one more time. I can't reach them inside the bag without screwing up my nail polish again.

But....what if I got tongs?


TONGS??

You'd think that's where I'd laugh myself silly and call it quits for the evening. But I have to be honest. I put the chips away and got out another Jell-O. With whipped cream.

Boy. This was a hard night. But a good reminder.

Boredom = not healthy.
Sugarfree = not a solution.

So I leave you with this sage advice: Get your nails done at a salon.