Facing Down Fear The WB Style

I LOVE The WB.

Yes, yes, I know it's "The CW" now. But just as the little restaurant in Frenchtown will always be The Cafe Formerly Known As The Coffee Cup--no matter how many new signs they hang on it--I shall always refer to The WB as the home of my favorite shows.

Ah, Buffy. I do miss you so. And Spike, too, of course. Angel, you weren’t bad on your own, but so much better when Spike rejoined you in the world of the living. Well. Sort of, I guess. How does that work, exactly when you're dead then undead then dead again then a ghost then not-dead but you can still be killed--again--and you have a soul now? Wow. This is only slightly less confusing than Erica Kane's love life over the past 40 years.

My new joy is Supernatural. Ah--gotta love those Winchester boys. And for the record, I was watching Days of Our Lives when Dean was Eric Brady. Sami's non-evil twin? Oh yeah. Interesting coincidence that he went from being Sami’s brother to being Sam’s brother. Or is it? Hmmm.

So we're working our way through Supernatural, seasons 1-4 right now. Yep--Mom, too. Although Dad's not a big fan of SciFi. He prefers a good-old-fashioned western or a war movie. We watched a fantastic foreign war film the other night, by the way--it's got Nazis and German townsfolk and a creepy old-guy who warns the kids about the danger in the woods but they don't listen because they think he's just a crazy old fool but then they find a stash of cursed Third Reich gold and all end up running for their lives when the Zombie SS come for them. For some reason, Dad didn't want to watch that one with us. Mom either. Dead Snow. I recommend it if you like a bit of chainsaw action.

So anyway, the theme throughout Season 2 of Supernatural is about dealing with fear.

I was lying in bed tonight staring at the ceiling and listening to the creepy sounds of our old house in the woods and thinking about the things that I’m afraid of.

I’ve always believed that love and hate are different extremes of the same emotion. I’ve never hated someone that I didn’t also love. But love and fear—now those are some polar opposites.

So what does all of this have to do with food?

I got out of bed and turned up the furnace—creating a whole new set of creepy noises in the floor—and immediately went to the refrigerator. I eat when I’m bored, I eat when I’m lonely, I eat when I’m in the car, I eat when I’m watching TV, I eat when I go out, I eat when I have company, I eat when I’m doing homework and I eat when I’m up at night. I wanted something sweet.

And as I stood there with the door open, my meals for the day started running through my mind. It was go-to-town day today, so I had a gyros and a soda and a small butterscotch-dipped ice cream cone. Then I had a healthy dinner—just the right portion. I hadn’t entered my food into thedailyplate.com yet, so I didn’t know where I was to my calorie goal for the day. But I was probably pretty close or over. Especially since I splurged and got a Cherry Coke instead of a Diet Coke, even though I ordered the small size.

“STOP!“ I shouted at myself—just in my head, though. It was 1:00 in the morning. “What are you doing?”

And I realized—with fear being the topic at hand—that I was being afraid of eating. And I felt kind of silly. I don’t need to be afraid of eating. Or calories. Or even soda. Instead, I need to love my body.

For whatever kooky reason, changing the way I approach my health made it easy tonight. Instead of being afraid to eat something sweet that would add calories to my day, I looked for something healthy that would make my body happy. I ended up with Mini-Wheats. A nice compromise over cookies and ice cream with cherry sauce, I thought.

It’s funny because when I’m at work, I’m a big proponent of the “Walk vs. Don’t Run” communication style. If you are going to go for a swim and you see “Don’t Run” painted on the wall above the pool, what do you immediately think of? Running! Then you have to think about not-running. Which still brings up an image of running and then makes it negative. Kind of screws with your head, doesn’t it? But if you step into the pool area and see “Please Walk”, you immediately know what to do.

I guess I just needed a reminder to apply this same principle to my weight loss. So now, if I can just remember, the next time I’m beginning to feel guilty or fearful or ashamed or embarrassed about my eating, I just need to change the way I think and love my body. Think again, baby. Literally. Re-think it.

No more “Don’t Eat That”.

Now it’s going to be “Hands In the Air, Girl. (boom chicka-owah!) Show Us Some Love”. *Dancing in front of open refrigerator optional but highly recommended.

So I’m letting go of my fear of eating and I’m going back to bed to sleep soundly. Although I may still want to learn how to properly operate a chainsaw. You know. Just in case.